During one of my blog blitzes a while back, I stumbled across this one from the OMG hilarious Beth over at Shut Up and Run. I certainly can’t relate to the whole pregnant/kid/parenting thing, but when she starting talking about how people just love to give unsolicited advice about, oh – ANYTHING – I couldn’t help but feel like she had crawled right into my noggin and took a look around. Nice image, huh?
Now, I don’t think I’m quite THAT confused looking on a semi-regular basis – note I said I THINK – but apparently I must have some kind of aura that draws in more than my share of whackos. Honestly lady, I really don’t need to know why you’re buying every last container of hemorrhoid pads, I just want to buy my half-gallon of Moose Tracks and get the hell home so I can shove my entire face in it. And I’m really not interested in holding a conversation with you about the weather while I’m gassing up my car, as I’m just fighting the urge to whack you upside the head with the windshield cleaner because you’re too damn lazy to shut your engine off, thereby endangering the lives of everyone within a 300′ radius. And unless you have the name of Meb, Shalane, or Kara, I REALLY don’t need a list of everything I’m doing wrong when I’m running. I’ve been doing it since I was about 2, I think I have a pretty good handle on it by now, thanks.
That’s not to say I’m not open to some well-timed, good intentions. “Hey lady, watch out for the peacock poop ahead.” That would have been very much appreciated on my recent run through the local park a couple of days ago. Or how about, “Hey lady, I think there’s a rabid palmetto bug hiding in the bushes up on the right. You might want to throw in a fartlek right about now” Again, welcome advice. Or my favorite…”Honey, you look great, but you may want to rethink the whole toilet paper attached to your shoe look.” I knew I married that guy for a reason.
I’m just going to throw this one out into the blogosphere and see if it comes hurtling back at my head. Before you strike up a conversation with a complete stranger as to why you’re purchasing every last bottle of jock powder in the store, you may just want take a moment and reflect. Will this person genuinely be interested in my man parts itchiness? Will either of our lives be more fulfilled knowing that I conveniently found 18 BOGO coupons stuffed in a kitchen drawer for this stuff? Does this person even CARE that my parts itch??? If the answer to any of the above questions could possibly be no, then may I kindly suggest a kind smile, perhaps nod of the head, or better yet, just keep the sunglasses on your face and avoid any and all eye contact. And try not to scratch.
Enjoy the ride.
Have you ever been on the receiving end of unsolicited stranger advice? How did you handle it? What was the worst piece of advice you were ever given?