Not To Be Rude But….

During one of my blog blitzes a while back, I stumbled across this one from the OMG hilarious Beth over at Shut Up and Run.  I certainly can’t relate to the whole pregnant/kid/parenting thing, but when she starting talking about how people just love to give unsolicited advice about, oh – ANYTHING – I couldn’t help but feel like she had crawled right into my noggin and took a look around.  Nice image, huh?

Brain homer_simpson

Rather disconcerting mine doesn’t look that different.

Now, I don’t think I’m quite THAT confused looking on a semi-regular basis – note I said I THINK – but apparently I must have some kind of aura that draws in more than my share of whackos.  Honestly lady, I really don’t need to know why you’re buying every last container of hemorrhoid pads, I just want to buy my half-gallon of Moose Tracks and get the hell home so I can shove my entire face in it.  And I’m really not interested in holding a conversation with you about the weather while I’m gassing up my car, as I’m just fighting the urge to whack you upside the head with the windshield cleaner because you’re too damn lazy to shut your engine off, thereby endangering the lives of everyone within a 300′ radius.  And unless you have the name of Meb, Shalane, or Kara, I REALLY  don’t need a list of everything I’m doing wrong when I’m running.  I’ve been doing it since I was about 2, I think I have a pretty good handle on it by now, thanks.

funny runner

What the…?!?

That’s not to say I’m not open to some well-timed, good intentions.  “Hey lady, watch out for the peacock poop ahead.”  That would have been very much appreciated on my recent run through the local park a couple of days ago.  Or how about, “Hey lady, I think there’s a rabid palmetto bug hiding in the bushes up on the right. You might want to throw in a fartlek right about now”  Again, welcome advice.  Or my favorite…”Honey, you look great, but you may want to rethink the whole toilet paper attached to your shoe look.”  I knew I married that guy for a reason.

I can't take her anywhere.

I can’t take her anywhere.

I’m just going to throw this one out into the blogosphere and see if it comes hurtling back at my head.  Before you strike up a conversation with a complete stranger as to why you’re purchasing every last bottle of jock powder in the store, you may just want take a moment and reflect.  Will this person genuinely be interested in my man parts itchiness?  Will either of our lives be more fulfilled knowing that I conveniently found 18 BOGO coupons stuffed in a kitchen drawer for this stuff?  Does this person even CARE that my parts itch???  If the answer to any of the above questions could possibly be no, then may I kindly suggest a kind smile, perhaps nod of the head, or better yet, just keep the sunglasses on your face and avoid any and all eye contact.  And try not to scratch.

scratchscratchscratch

scratchscratchscratch

 

Enjoy the ride.

Have you ever been on the receiving end of unsolicited stranger advice?  How did you handle it?  What was the worst piece of advice you were ever given?

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8 thoughts on “Not To Be Rude But….

  1. I was at the gym one time, and he was very nice and I know he was trying to be helpful, but this guy basically told me I should be doing modified push-ups because I wasn’t getting down low enough. At which point I had to explain to him that I was intentionally not doing it because the lower you go, the more it works out your chest not your triceps and I was focusing on my tris (this was before CrossFit and how I did push-ups changed entirely). Either way, dude, I know I’m a girl and I may not be as strong as you, but I know what I’m doing!!!

    • I know it can be a fine line between someone just trying to be helpful and annoying. That’s why I ALWAYS have my headphones on and LEAVE ME THE HECK ALONE tatooed on my forehead. Part of that whole socially awkward thing I have going on here. 🙂

  2. You had me laughing the whole post. I love when people try to give unsolicited advice or even worse, talk about you close enough so that you can hear. Towards the end of my pregnancy, I wasn’t wearing my wedding rings because it was uncomfortable and stopped at the grocery store to pick up a couple things and a woman saw me (I was clearly VERY pregnant) and I saw her look at my hand to see if I was married, she made a face and then turned to her teenage”ish” daughter and said in a snarky voice “And that is why you wait until you are married to have kids” I was shocked, I took a quick second to compose myself so I didn’t slap her and turned with the nicest smile possible and said, “Excuse me, but I just wanted you to know that I have been happily married and with my husband for almost 7 years, I’m just too pregnant for my rings to fit right now. Then I turned to her daughter and said nicely that I was really sorry her mother was so ignorant and so quick to pass judgement on someone and something she knew nothing about and I walked away. She was stunned into silence and her daughter just smiled at me. People can be such idiots!

    • Classic! I, unfortunately, would have either smacked her in the head with a box of diapers or would have been too shocked to think of anything appropriately snarky to say until the next day. Seriously, what makes people think it’s okay to say things like that? What if you HADN’T been married? Who cares and who’s business is it anyway???

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