So You Married A Runner. My Apologies.

Remember when  you said I do?  Did you really think you had any idea what you were in for?

emma

Did you think you would ever see so much laundry in your life?  Did you ever realize just one person – possibly one very little person – could ever PRODUCE that much laundry?  Let’s not even bring up the amount, but how absolutely, inhumanly, STANKASS said laundry can be?  Sorry baby, I may only come in at 5’3″, but I can can get a sweat on as good as Phil Simms ever did.

You're welcome Kellie.

You’re welcome Kellie.

Let’s just get the more “sensitive” areas of being married to a runner person out of the way shall we?  I’m going to break these down into three general categories:

1.   No holds barred conversations regarding bodily functions.  Suddenly, in sickness and in health begin to take on a whole new meaning.  Sleeve snot?  Check.  Sprints to the bathroom after being gone for only 20 minutes the day after Margarita Madness, only to be treated to the most inhuman sounds possible?  Check.  Clothing that still smells like decomposing body even after being pre-treated, soaked in bleach, vinegar, and every de-fumigating solution ever invented?  Check.  It’s all part of the ’til death do us part package.  Guess you just never thought the “death” part included the odor.

Oh. My. God.

Oh. My. God.

2. Dealing with sad puppy dog face the closer registration day gets.  And you said no.  Now let’s give credit where credit is due.  There’s not too many significant others who can unequivocally drop the hammer when facing the power of a runDisney event.  But let’s be honest.  Who really has the power to resist the numerous heavy sighs, slammed cabinet doors, 2,145 repeats of Let It Go, and denial of…well, you know – because you want to spend your vacation at this place instead?

I don't even know what to say.

I don’t even know what to say.

3. Wondering just how many shoes, clothes, gadgets, bags, and weird supplements one runner can possibly collect.  You go to the fridge simply looking for a quick snack.  Instead, you spend the next 15 minutes digging through Beans, Bloks, waffles, bars, and some weird, nasty goopy stuff with the oh-so-appetizing description of goo.  Feeling adventurous – and slightly frustrated at the lack of Snickers, Milky Ways, and just plain good ol’ American Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups – you rip open a bag of what looks like jelly beans.  When suddenly, out of nowhere, this comes flying at your head.

Step away from the Sport Beans and nobody gets hurt. NOW.

Step away from the Sport Beans and nobody gets hurt. NOW.

I know there’s plenty of other areas of concern for those co-existing with us runner types, but I figured these are probably the main areas of contention concern.  I readily admit it, we can be a frightful bunch of individuals.  We have our own idiosyncrasies, disgusting habits, and heck – we’ve even invented our own language.  So what’s an innocent, by-standing, non-runner to do?  I think you know the answer to that one.

Yes.  Become the douche.  It'll be okay.

Yes. Become the douche. It’ll be okay. I promise.

 Enjoy the ride.

What annoying, disgusting habits does your significant other have to put up with?

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19 thoughts on “So You Married A Runner. My Apologies.

  1. Shopping for yet another pair of “the Perfect Shoes”, daily boxes from Amazon containing running books and KT Tape, endless explanations of the the awesome shit my running watch/apps can do, TMI on the chaffing, non-sexy discussions of nipples, all the whining when I have to skip a race because of illness or injury and sometimes, repeated viewing of YouTube running videos. I’m sure I’m delightful to live with.

  2. I need my husband to read this post. It cracked me up because so many things are true for us. Number 3 has become a real problem and the house we are building actually has an extra closet in the master bedroom that has been designated “Pam’s running closet”! So freakin’ excited!

  3. Toenails!!! Non-runners cannot fathom the obsession we have with our toenails, or lack there of. lol My husband thinks I’m disgusting when I have to clip, pull off, or file them down.

    • Thankfully this is one the hubs does not have to deal with. I’ve never had the whole black nail thing happen and for a runner, and a Floridian, I’m just plain weird – I HATE FEET. I don’t care if you have what’s considered the greatest dogs on the planet, I will be completely grossed out by them. The only reason I even have a pair of flip flops – which I’m completely incapable of walking in by the way – is to walk out to the back yard to feed our lake ducks. Other than that, there is not a pair of open-toe shoes to be found in my closet. Once in a while I suffer through filing them down so they don’t poke holes in my socks, but other than than I am happy to report I don’t even think about them. Weird. I know. 🙂

  4. My husband FINALLY understands why I need so many sneakers, and GOOD sneakers! But yeah, between running and CrossFit, my clothes situation, NOT PRETTY. And thus far, he’s only been able to say no to him signing up (or joining me) for a RunDisney-cation. I think the GSC proves that him saying no to me registering doesn’t really happen lol

    • I put on my best sad puppy face when we were originally planning our CA trip and would ” conveniently” be there over Labor Day weekend. I didn’t think sneaking in a little half marathon that Sunday was that big a deal. But then our travel dates changed so I wasn’t able to pull out the BIG guns – sad puppy dog face, accompanied by many, many, ultimate margaritas. (heavy sigh…)

      • You’re talking to the woman who tackled the Dumbo at the end of her honeymoon because ‘the timing worked out perfectly!” He knew what he was getting into when he married me lol

        I think you should change your travel dates back and, in the words of Lisa, DO EET!

  5. Fortunately I just converted mine to a runner. Now we smell bad together, double our loads of laundry and understand all of the grossness that comes with running. Great post!

  6. LMAO!!! I love this. Especially the “stankass” laundry — just imagine what the laundry room smells like when BOTH of us are runners! It’s unbearable. And thw bodily functions…well, let’s just say I knew it was love when I taught my BF how to perform a successful “snot rocket” on a long training run this winter. LOL 😀

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