Ice Cream and Chocolate and Pasta, Oh My!

Those, in a nutshell, are what I consider the three basic food groups.  Okay, maybe not, but don’t you think they should be?  Where exactly is the justice in the foods that taste the super yummiest have to be so bad for you?  It’s not fair!  It’s horse hockey!  I’m not gonna take it anymore!!!!

Waaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!!

Waaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!!

All right.  Now that I got THAT out of my chocolate and Moose Tracks deprived system, let’s get down to the nitty-gritty of stuffing your yap.  It’s simple.  It’s hard, it’s challenging, and it can totally suck when you open up the freezer and see your ever-loving hubby has once again brought home a container of ice cream and restocked the peanut butter cups.  What fresh hell is this?! you may ask yourself.  Or not.  I do.  OFTEN.

cat stress

I typically start out the day with good intentions.  A healthy breakfast, healthy snacks, and what is becoming a daily refusal for that large, chewy, fresh-baked, OMG-now-I’m-drooling-just-thinking-about-it chocolate chip cookie from my favorite deli.  The occasional side trip into french fry land, (especially the curly and smiley kind), has become REALLY occasional as of late.  But as we all know, you can follow calorie counts, “diet” (geesh I hate that word) plans, or dietary changes until our brains see nothing but numbers when we look at our food.  And try as we might, the number on the scale, or the fit of our clothes, just does not change – often resulting in above noted feline facial manifestation.  In other words, we suffer from that completely exasperated expression which cause our significant others to suddenly find any excuse to have to go check out the front end alignment on their car.

What is it about our metabolism, especially as we hit those blasted 40’s, that causes everything to come to a screeching halt?  Is this Mother Nature’s idea of a really bad practical joke?  According to Wiki Answers, the average life span of a woman in America is 79 years old.  Seems a little off to me as I live in the mecca of all things senior here in south FLA, but who am I to question statistics?  Even if that is accurate, why do our bodies feel the need to start slowing down only halfway through the game?  Do you start kicking your pace back at mile 6 of a half marathon or mile 13 of a full?  Why would you?  There’s still a lot of ground to cover!  Knock it off cellular degeneration!  I’m not through with that mitochondria just yet!

cartoon-t-cell-hi

All of this human biology kind of stuff leaves me wondering…..why do some people have the ability to eat just about anything and kick out a mile like there’s nothing to it?  Especially when short, dumpy, vertically challenged types like me, who try to follow all the dietary rules as much as humanly possible, struggle to finish their runs somewhere before the end the current decade?  Why can’t we ALL have those super hero genetics???  Who’s in charge here?  I want to lodge a complaint!

As science has never really been my “thing”, all I can do is try to keep up with the brainiac types and hope that what they tell me about fruit, veggies, protein, and “good” carbs is all true.  At least for the moment.  Seems like they can’t make up their minds and stick with it for longer than it takes me to choke down a piece of asparagus.  Every day presents its gastronomic challenges and it seems to only keep getting more complicated.  So I propose this.  Mother Nature takes back her practical joke and creates everyone with the same metabolism.  Chocolate, ice cream, and spaghetti become our three major food groups and no animal ever has to die in order to feed another.  Pizza becomes the perfect breakfast food and wine and margaritas become necessary for proper hydration.  And to make the hubby happy, animal-free bacon no longer affects your cholesterol, blood pressure, or waistline.  We’ll all live to be a hundred but look like we’re twenty.  No one runs a half marathon in more than two hours or a full in more than three.  And our dogs live as long as we do.  But find a way to use the bathroom like the rest of us.  Who’s with me?!

Ooh! Ooh! Pick me! Pick me!

Ooh! Ooh! Pick me! Pick me!

 

Enjoy the ride.

Do you find your body reacting to food differently as you age?  Have you changed your eating habits over the years because of it?

 

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3 thoughts on “Ice Cream and Chocolate and Pasta, Oh My!

  1. hah! I have never had a metabolism and even now if I go of the rails and have a few bad days of lacklustre eating, I am in major trouble in terms of weight gain. I find that the cravings aren’t so bad if I cut my bread and pasta servings to once or twice a week. That way I get it if/when I really want it, but it doesn’t become a habit. I wish that we could all eat all of the delicious things–that would be amazing. 🙂
    ~Lisa

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