Ten months in the gym and I haven’t smacked anyone yet. Now that’s what I call progress!
Okay well, there IS that. But other than annoying non-weight rackers, the weird-distracting-arm-circles-while-on-the-bike-guy, stinky chic, and the insufferable WHY CAN’T YOU JUST WIPE OFF THE FREAKIN’ MACHINE WHEN YOU’RE DONE SWEATING ALL OVER KINGDOM COME people, my return to gymdom has actually been pretty enjoyable. Now that’s not to say I haven’t had some downer moments, especially lately, but I’m doing my best to keep a good attitude. After all, at least I still CAN work out. Just like this guy.
Yes, fuzzy butt. I do.
Ever notice how much time you spend bending your knees, especially when you can’t? Per doctor’s orders, no bending the patellas more than 90 degrees, and especially, no more than 30 degrees when doing leg extensions. Talk about actually having to pay attention to what you’re doing. And if you know me at all, then you know my attention span doesn’t exactly fall in the spectacular department. But as long as I can still work up a sweat and feel like I’m accomplishing SOMETHING, then I’m happy with that. Accomplish that something without actually dropping a weight on an irritating, self-absorbed gym rat? Now that’s what I call a WIN.
And really. Who can be irritated when after more than FOUR YEARS, the hubby has been able to consistently run WITHOUT FOOT PAIN? Yes, that’s right, NO FOOT PAIN. Let me say it again in case you didn’t get it the first ten times – NO FOOT PAIN! Seriously peoples, you have no idea how big a marvelous, stupendous, spectacular deal that is. Even the achy legs he has after running outside yesterday is worth every bit of lactic acid buildup. (Between you and me, I think it may have had something to do with the fancy new shoes he got on sale at Shoebuy for $75.)
Did I mention I spent half an hour on the phone the other day with The Man’s nurse? Let me tell ya, that woman is a plethora of all things knee knowledge. She spent all that time explaining to me why we’re traversing the road of conservatism with my knees. In a nutshell, I need to alleviate the inflammation. Then – and stick with me here a minute – I need to actually INFLAME them all over again, but at a more “manageable” level. Remember I told you the back of my patellas were all chewed up and ripping up the cartilage behind them? Well, I actually need to let them do that. Why in the name of all that is ibuprofen, do you need to DO that Black Dog, you may ask? Because. If I let my body “plane out” the cartilage/patella naturally – instead of surgically – then it will do that to the specific angles that it needs, whereas a surgeon might not be able to do so. Basically, surgery would be a best guess scenario versus Mother Nature knows what she’s doing kind of deal.
Yeah I got this. And this lynx too.
Patience is called for in this scenario. E-GADS. I’m more of an immediate gratification kind of gal. (That’s why I can almost get on board with Amazon Prime’s two-day shipping. Almost.) I need these knees to be fixed YESTERDAY. Hear that, Mama of All Things Wise and Furry? YES-TER-DAY. I promise not to over-water the plants, under-water the flowers, or stomp out any bugs. Except the roaches. All bets are off with those nasty, nuclear-holocaust-surviving-creepers-of-ick. Just get these suckers better. Fast. And feel free to take out a few of these ick monsters along the way.
Not a chance scumhead.
So if patience is what I need to have, then patient I will be. I almost sound like I mean that, don’t I? In the meantime, please feel free to keep me distracted/entertained/pinned down and beaten until the parts have decided to forgive me for years of punishment. After all, what does one do once one has healed but start the beat-down all over again? Hmmm, sounds curiously like the definition of runner…
Enjoy the ride.
Ever find being patient more difficult than long runs or speed work? Are you a killer of all things green? When is the last time you felt the urge to throw a dumb bell at someone?